In Sickness and In Health

After reading an article enumerating Pat Robertson's emotive justifications for divorcing a spouse with Alzheimer's, I feel compelled to measure his dangerous admonitions by the Light of Scripture.

During the call-in segment of the show, Pat Robertson addresses whether or not a husband should remain faithful to his Alzheimer's-stricken wife. "But I know it sounds cruel, but if he's going to do something he should divorce her and start all over again. But to make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her."

Wow. This is chilling for so many reasons. Thankfully, his co-host Terry Meeuwsen points out, "But isn't that the vow we take when we marry someone? That it's for better or for worse? For richer or poorer?" (Christianity Today).

Marriage is inherently sacred and binding. Marriage was fashioned by the Designer as a type and shadow of our personal relationship with Jesus Christ--the body of Christ as the glorious bride, our LORD and Savior, the Bridegroom. This is why marriage exists. Thank the Lord he does not desert us in our weakness. He does not forsake us when we forget His promises. His love for us is unconditional and everlasting.

Mr. Robertson has unknowingly stepped into the enemy's camp of relative ethics. To abandon a commitment in the face of hardship does not line up with the powerful prophetic Word, "And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life even when faced with death." (Revelation 12:11, NAS) Marriage is a beautiful testimony of laying down your life for the sake of your spouse daily. As Christ gave us the Ultimate Sacrifice willingly, our Christian walk is voluntarily making decisions for Him because of His love through us. Christians have eternal life in Christ and once that decision of surrender is truly made, John 10:28 (NAS) says, "and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand." Doesn't it make since then, that the enemy will seek to "snatch" a Christian's testimony?

To make decisions regarding marriage on the basis of feelings is not only a slippery slope, it is ethically toxic. Robertson continues, "...I can't fault him for wanting some kind of companionship. And if he says in a sense she is gone, he's right. It's like a walking death." There are so many times that Mr. Robertson has prayed in faith for people's healing on the show. By denoting Alzheimer's as "a walking death" he magnifies the power of disease over the power of Christ. Just because he has not witnessed the miraculous healing of Alzheimer's, does not mean that it will not happen in the future. We serve a living God with no limitations. Let us always walk by faith and not by sight. Isaiah 43:18-19 (NAS) says, "Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.

I cannot help but recall a great man of honor, the late President Ronald Reagan. He is one of the most beloved presidents of all time. In November of 1994, Reagan formally informed the nation of his fight with Alzheimer's. "I now begin the journey that will lead me into the summit--sunset of my life." In Dutch: A Memoir of Ronald Reagan, Morris gives us an inside look into this illness. "I think the single most shattering story I heard about him was the fact that a friend put a white ceramic model of the White House into this fish tank that he had in his office. And he took it home in his fist," Morris continues, "And when Nancy pried his fingers open and said, 'What's that, Ronnie?' And there's this this little wet White House in his hand. He said, 'I don't know, but I think it's something to do with me." Staying by your spouse's side during his/her darkest hour is an opportunity to bestow honor on earth as it is in heaven.

Could we also remind Mr. Robertson of the power of love? Perhaps the mind has decayed, but the heart has not. Christ can fill every empty space. May we have courage to love our spouse just as much in the sunset as the sunrise.

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The Four Seasons of Marriage

I believe that Dr. Gary Chapman is definitely one of the Christian marriage "gurus," whom I am constantly learning from. Just recently I came across his research on The Four Seasons of Marriage. This really puts the trials and treasures of marriage in perspective. Remember that Ecclesiastes chapter 3 tells us that to everything there is a time and a season. Commitment is what allows the seasons to flow seamlessly together.

1) WINTER- A period of coldness, harshness, and bitterness. The cause is traced back to rigidity or unwillingness to consider the other person's perspective and work towards a meaningful compromise.
~Emotions in winter include hurt, anger, disappointment, loneliness, and rejection.
~Attitudes in winter include negativity, discouragement, frustration, hopelessness.
~Actions in winter include destructive, speaking harshly, or not speaking, violent
~Climate in winter is noted by detatchment, unwillingness to negotiate, arguments, withdrawal, no sense of togetherness, just existing

2) SPRING- A period of new beginnings, and the excitement of creating new life. This is marked by a return of optimism, enthusiasm, and joy.
~Emotions in spring include excitement, joy, and hope.
~Attitudes in spring include anticipation, optimism, gratitude, love, and, trust.
~Actions in spring include nurturing, planning, communicating, seeking help when needed.
~Climate in spring is noted by vitality, tenderness, openness, and a caring heart. It is delineated by new beginnings, flowing communication, a sense of excitement, and planting seeds for the future.

3) SUMMER- A period of reaping the benefits of what has been planted, and sharing a deep sense of commitment and satisfaction.
~Emotions of summer include satisfaction, happiness, accomplishment, connection.
~Attitudes of summer include trust, commitment to growth, relaxed.
~Actions in summer include communicating constructively, accepting differences, attending seminars, reading books, spiritual growth.
~Climate in summer is comfortable, attached, supportive, and understanding. Dreams of the spring have come to pass. There is an enjoyment and satisfaction from accomplishments. Conflicts are resolved, and differences are accepted.

4) FALL- A period when things are changing. Initially,things look okay to others on the outside, but are deteriorating internally until the changes in the relationship become obvious.
~Emotions of fall include fear, sadness, rejection, apprehension, discouragement, resentment, and feelings of being unappreciated.
~Attitudes of fall include concern, uncertainty, and blaming
~Actions of fall include neglect and failure to face issues.
~Climate of fall is marked by drifting apart and disengagement. A sense of detachment and confusion

It is important to recognize that trials are temporary and sometimes necessary to grow in intimacy. Anne Bradstreet, British poet, says it best: "If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."

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