The Sound of Your Marriage

My favorite word to say is on-o-mat-o-poe-ia. Basically, these are words that sound like the objects they name or the sounds those objects make. Zip,boom, plop, crackle, plink are just a few examples. Children's book author Dr. Seuss was an expert at crafting entertaining stories centered around these captivating sounds.

I started reflecting on "onomatopoeias" in relation to marriage, but not in the conventional sense. Phrases that we commonly express to each other such as "I love you" or "I forgive you." In order for these words to echo a sound in our marriages, we must act upon them.

Words that we speak from God's heart release light. Genesis 1:3 reads, Then God said, 'Let there be light'; and there was light. Pair this with Genesis 1:26-27, 26 Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth." 27 So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Notice in verse 26 God made a declaration (spoken word) and in verse 27 He created (action).When God created man, Adam's heart began to beat or make a sound. A heartbeat is an indication that someone is alive.

The correlation between light and sound can also be demonstrated by a thunderstorm. When we see a lightning bolt in the sky, we wait for the inevitable sound of thunder. The distance of lightning can be calculated by the listener based on the time interval from when the lightning is seen to when the sound is heard. The sound that the thunder makes is clap, boom, or crack (onomatopoeias).

When we see lightning in the sky, we expect to hear thunder. The sudden increase in pressure and temperature from lightning produces rapid expansion of air surrounding and within a bolt of lightning. The space between the declaration (light) and the manifestation (sound) is expectation.

Perhaps the distance or space between you and your spouse can be determined by words that you have spoken (light), but have not acted upon (sound). If you are feeling atmospheric pressure in your relationship, it is because the words you have spoken to your spouse have not manifested in your marriage. If you say the words, "I forgive you," you have essentially made a declaration that longs to be fulfilled by your supporting actions. Resentment, grudges, and withdrawal “mute” the sound of these words in your spouse. However, words we have spoken in our marriage become "onomatopoeias" the moment we act upon them. There is no differentiation between the word and the action. What a pleasing sound to the ear :)

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A Trial Separation

For the next thirty (30) days, Adam and I will have a trial separation.....from television!! (hope we didn't scare anyone out there). The title was designed to grab your attention and distract you from what you are doing. Is that not exactly what television does? So many times at night, we will curl up at dinner to watch a cooking show like "Chopped" or "House Hunters International," but the preview for the next show will lure us into watching one more.

I am not saying that television is intrinsically evil or morally unsound, we just feel that it is beginning to encroach on our time that would be better spent elsewhere. We have set new goals that we want to realize this year, but goals always imply a strategy.

Ironically, we were watching a TV special last night when we came to our decision. It reported Americans' growing dependency on technology to arguably unhealthy levels. The question was posed, "Are you in charge of your BlackBerry or is your BlackBerry in charge of you?" What began as an innovation for convenience has grown into an invasion of boundaries and information overload. I learned a new term called "e-mail bankruptcy." According to Wikipedia, "email bankruptcy is a term used to identify or explain a decision to close an email account or to delete all messages older than a certain date, due to an overwhelming receipt of garbage messages compared to legitimate messages." Subsequently, a message is sent explaining the problem and relating that if a response is still required, to resend the message. The news story was reporting that even business professionals have occasionally invoked this alternative upon returning to work after vacation due to the sheer inundation of emails.

It is undeniable that our culture is socially integrated by technology. Accidentally leaving your cell phone at home will trigger that same sick feeling you have from misplacing your purse or wallet. It has become a part of our identity. I recently read a compelling article titled, A social-media addict tries to disconnect. She chronicles her commitment to unplug for the week.

It really got us thinking about incremental tolerances that we have accepted as a part of our normal routine. Although sitting shoulder to shoulder watching TV together is cozy and comforting, it does not facilitate our growth as a couple. If we are jogging together, or at a restaurant face to face, the likelihood of engaging in quality conversation is much greater than if we are willing captives to an electronic screen.

Perhaps TV consumes more of our time than we think. A few years ago, Neilsen Media research reported that the average American watches 4 hours of television a day. This translates into five full days a month, two months a year, and an astonishing nine years by the time you turn 65. This number has only trended upwards. In 2010, Neilsen Research found that Americans watch 34 hours of television a week, or over 4.8 hours a day.

What could you do with all this extra time? A month from now, we will let you know how it has impacted us. Ask God what He would have you "fast" for a season. It could be Facebook, getting up an hour earlier, or simply letting your cell phone go to voicemail for an hour or two.

Joel 2:25, "So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, The crawling locust, The consuming locust, And the chewing locust. My great army which I sent among you." (NKJV)

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Recipe for Comfort Food

"Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing." ~I Thessalonians 5:11 (NKJV)

There is something indescribably satisfying about digging into comfort food when you are emotionally exhausted or bone tired. Your favorite comfort food may be different from someone else's. Those with a sweet tooth will be drawn to chewy brownies or gooey chocolate chip cookies. Others may gravitate towards salty foods like chips or fried chicken.

Likewise, your spouse craves your comfort and encouragement so deeply. Keep in mind, each person is different. Keep tweaking the recipe if something is missing. The combination of ingredients and proper proportions are determined by how your spouse receives love. Ask God to show you what your husband or wife is craving in each season.

You can give your spouse edification not only through words, but also acts of service, gifts, physical touch, and time shared together. Be attentive to how your spouse receives love. Keep in mind it may not be the way you naturally give it. Love will ask you to step outside your comfort zone. This is the crux of The Five Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman.

 Need some quick ideas?

1) Design a PowerPoint slide show or photo scrapbook of your favorite memories as a couple
2) Plant a sticky note on the steering wheel that says "I love you"
3) Give a bouquet of flowers (to your wife) or candy bars (to your husband...or wife)
4) Rent or buy your spouse's favorite movies and watch them together
5) Do a household chore that your spouse usually does without asking
6) Make a mix CD of your spouse's favorite songs...or should I say i-Tunes?
7) Cook your spouse's favorite meal. Serve and do the dishes
8) Give him/her a massage without expecting one in return
9) Send an email of appreciation to your spouse when he/she is at work
10) Plan a date that is centered around your spouse's favorite activities

Can you think of others?

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Strengthen Your Immune System

"When it comes to health, when the body feels safe and is at ease, the nervous system is able to quiet and be more normal. Then the immune system is able to function better. When the body is safe and feels safe, all its other functions can help combat disease." ~Patricia Megregian



Marriage is wonderfully complex, just like the human body. Although it has the capacity to function at the cellular level of God's design, it must contend with daily threats of the outside world. I found it interesting that the human body must feel "safe" in order to function optimally.

It has been cited that the number one need in females is security. What makes one woman feel secure may differ from another. Personality, levels of sensitivity, past wounds, upbringing, environment, and spiritual location all impact the delicate balance of marital security.

However, a man must feel safe too, just in a different way. The number one need in a man is respect. Oftentimes, a husband deals with frustration when he feels his wife resisting his leadership.

Arguments tend to originate when we are operating from a micro-level with a truncated perspective. We must view marriage from the macro-level, and grow in our understanding of its inherent interdependence.

How do you get back to "safe?"

When the nervous system of your marriage is in overdrive, you must ask the Holy Spirit to do what you cannot do on your own. When a wife feels insecure, her fleshly reaction is to withdraw and withhold trust. Power is released when you do just the opposite--trusting when it is not natural to do so. When a wife trusts her husband, he feels "safe" in being a leader. And remember, trust begets trust. Proverbs 31:11 says, "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil." (KJV)

Likewise, when a husband is frustrated because his wife is feeling threatened or insecure, his fleshly tendency is to be angry or withdraw. However, when he responds with love and reassurance, the need of his wife will be met because he is being led by the Spirit. Once a husband is led by the Spirit, he can become the leader that his wife desires him to be. I Peter 3:7 says, "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." (KJV)

How does the immune system work?

Simply put, the immune system works by "keeping the good stuff in and the bad stuff out." Whether we realize it or not, marriage is always at war. Satan hates marriage. His tactics are often subtle, but always lead to damage and destruction. Just like the body, marriages have an innate immune system and an acquired immune system. Couples innately know obvious attacks on marriage such as physical abuse or adultery. However, the acquired immune system is strengthened by spiritual sensitivity and experience. Without putting on our spiritual armor, subtle toxins seep into the mind, poisoning marriage in minute doses that gradually add up over time.

What are subtle toxins to marriage?

• small compromises- Just like satan tricked Eve by tempting her to doubt what God had commanded, satan will attempt to construct a "grey area" in our minds. He will lead us astray not by miles, but by millimeters when he injects lies into our thoughts. Consider the following:

            "It is just lunch with a co-worker, what she doesn't know won't hurt her."
             "He is just a friend I can share my problems with."
            "It hasn't crossed the physical line, so technically it is not cheating."

• shifting priorities- No matter how good our intentions are after saying "I do," the daily demands of life will often jockey for our time. Work, social obligations, hobbies, and even ministries can create an unseen wedge in marriage. Just like those nights you "forgot to pray" because you were just too tired, we can accidentally neglect our spouse.  Spending a disproportionate amount of time in other areas can create a "disparate impact" and your marriage will suffer. It may not be intentional, but will still adversely impact your marriage.

Protect your marriage with truth found in Ephesians 6:11, "Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil."

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It's All How Ya Look at It

"Vision is the art of seeing things invisible to others." ~Jonathan Swift

This past Saturday my husband and I embarked on a garage sale scavenger hunt. We thought this would be a fun way to spend time together and hunt for hidden treasures. We were on a mission to find old furniture that we could refurbish and sell. Adam has a natural proclivity for working with his hands, and blood that flows with creative craftsmanship. His grandfather taught woodshop at the local high school in Arizona, and his dad owns a painting and renovation company.

We woke up early, full of giddy anticipation of what we might discover. Our first stop was on a road just a few miles away from where I grew up. We were welcomed by a traditional style garage sale with items spilling from the garage into the driveway. At first it seemed as though none of the items interested us. My eyes quickly scanned shelves of old baby clothes, maternity clothes, and other random knickknacks. In the corner of my eye I spotted Adam studying an old wooden headboard for a bedroom. The accompanying foot board was altogether missing, and the ornamental finials that screw on the top were also unaccounted for. The attached green sticker read, $5.

I thought, "Why on earth is Adam even looking at this tired old piece?" Cognizant of Adam's interest in the headboard, the man hosting the garage sale explained to us that he buys foreclosed homes, and sells the abandoned furniture. Noticing Adam's interest in the piece he said, "Man, you can just have this one for free. I really just want it off my property."

Adam filled me on on what I could not envision. The two arms of the headboard had beautiful exaggerated curves and were composed of solid wood. "I can make two lamps from this, " he announced.

Suddenly, I saw the discarded headboard in a whole new light (no pun intended...). I felt like we had won the jackpot.

Adam's dad let us borrow his truck to deliver our treasure safely home. We were off to our next stop. Adam knew exactly where this one was located because it was next door to the house he grew up in. This garage sale was larger, but contained similar items from the first--boxes of old clothes and various household appliances. I was about to give up hope until I spotted two bookshelves packed with books. A lot of them were recent titles or famous authors. I spotted two John Grishams and one Frank Peretti. I thought, "three books for three bucks...not bad."

We got out our money to pay the lady and she said, "It will just be a dollar for all three." Again I was struck by the favor that we had experienced.

After another successful find, we headed to Hoover for our last two stops. We pulled into a townhouse subdivision. It was almost lunch time and this particular garage sale was winding down and picked over. A few Christmas ornaments and mugs...not much to speak of. A second time, I walked around the same semi-circle of items, making sure I didn't miss anything. I found the treasure that made it all worthwhile...bamboo shades with a price tag of $1. The lady explained that they were so cheap because they were missing the mounting hardware. We bought the shades with the vision of using it as future repurposing material. I could make bamboo-wrapped candles or perhaps some other craft.

We were headed for our last stop, an estate sale in Hoover. We entered an upscale neighborhood with two long lines of parked cars flanking the road. It was organized through a professional estate service, so the items were previously appraised in order for the client to yield top dollar. Most of the items were classic collectibles that exceeded our price range, including Chippendale chairs and an antique French clock set. After not finding much downstairs, we trudged up the stairs to have one final look before we concluded our adventure.

In a bedroom off to the side, we found a beautiful bedside chest. It was painted cream with ornate carvings on each drawer. I was pleasantly surprised that it was marked $60. In exuberance, I called for Adam to come look at it.

"What a perfect piece! This is just what we were looking for!" I cheerfully exclaimed. Adam and I determined to go downstairs and make an offer. After describing the piece, the estate sale brokers accepted our offer. We triumphantly headed back upstairs to claim our piece. Much to our dismay, The price tag that rested atop the bedroom chest was missing. My mind flashed back to a woman that quickly scurried over to the piece after I had gushed over it. We headed back down the stairs, to have our theory confirmed. The woman had quietly grabbed the price tag and bought the bedroom chest from another checkout person while we were making an offer.

We headed back to the car, empty-handed. We started to feel disappointed and even a little wronged. Then, we remembered all the grace and favor we had experienced earlier. We decided to not let an isolated disappointment detract from the plethora of blessings we experienced earlier. We thanked God for all that He did for us, and our emotions quickly came back into balance. It was, after all, a very good day.

Psalm 103:2 "Let all that I am praise the LORD; may I never forget the good things He does for me."

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We Lost the Key

This past Thanksgiving my husband and I decided to start off our morning on the right turkey toe by going on a jog. We had stuffed two feasts into one day—lunch with my immediate family, then dinner with Adam’s family mere hours later. I was hopeful that a few miles of cardio activity would gobble up the calories in a slice of pumpkin pie, or at least the ornamental cloud of whipped topping.

I am sure this was the furthest concern from Adam’s mind. He is the laid-back, dependable type who has a knack for staying in constant peace and flowing from moment to moment. I, on the other hand, can be the nail-biting planner who has a talent for making mountains out of mole hills. After double knotting my running shoes, I glanced at the time on the microwave. We had about two hours before we had to arrive at my sister and brother-in-law’s house for Turkey Day round one. I mentally calculated how long it would take to complete our run and get ready. Since my husband completely gutted our shower in the master bedroom for renovation, we would have to take turns showering in the guest bathroom. The sense of time urgency began to heighten. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted my running partner casually checking the stock boards on his laptop. Adam looked over the screen nonchalantly and asked, “You ready, Sweetheart?”

Faster than a wink, I grabbed two glasses from the kitchen cabinet and filled them to the brim with ice and water. I like to prepare our iced water before we run instead of after to avoid the possibility of contaminating our ice cubes with sweat molecules (just kidding...sort of...) Finally, we were both ready.

We stepped outside into a postcard-worthy scene of autumn. The weather was unseasonably mild with an occasional gentle breeze that conjured up the incense of burning leaves. The circular nature trail was literally footsteps from our townhouse. We started running at a slow, but steady pace. About halfway through our first lap, Adam stopped suddenly. He squatted down with a purposeful, squinted expression toward the ground, which was carpeted with layers of brown leaves.

“What are we looking for?” I asked, somewhat perplexed.

“I dropped the key.” He said, tracing his steps around a one-foot radius circle with his eyes glued to the ground.

In silence, Adam and I took small backwards steps in repetitive circles with our elbows tucked back and our faces close to the ground. I have no doubt we looked like crazed chickens—or should I say turkeys.

After minutes ticking by with no key in sight, I recalled an incriminating conversation I had earlier with my husband.

ME: “Adam, why don’t I thread the key through my shoelace so we don’t lose it?”

ADAM: “No need. I will hold on to it. It will be fine.”

It was all I needed to empower those four savory words—“I TOLD YOU SO!!!”

Similar instances began to swell up in my mind like a tornado....the gift card I fished out of his pant pocket while doing laundry...the wallet he forgot on the table as he left for work...

Before I even realized it, a critical spirit began to take root in me. Then a few vain imaginations to top it off. I pictured our families ringing our cell phones to no avail…perhaps they would send the search squad.

Meanwhile, as Adam is diligently combing through the leaves he announces, "I have a plan!"

I bite my tongue and listen.

He methodically explains using his hands as an exemplary ruler, “We will divide the path into six -inch sections until we find it.

Despite my building frustration, I felt God remind me that He placed Adam as my leader, and to just go along with the plan. I realized that we got into this together, and we had to work together as a team to get out of it.

Within a short minute after this, I picked up a leaf to uncover a gleaming silver key. I was so ecstatic at that point, it might as well have been solid gold. And then I felt a verse emerge in my spirit.

Matthew 16:19 (NKJV) "And I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."

There will inevitably be times that you grow frustrated with your spouse or a circumstance in your marriage. However, blaming each other will only delay God’s promises and cause more wounding. You may be asking God to deliver you, and His answer is “I will give you the keys.”

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Pronunciation (ah-TOL-uh-guhs)

A few months ago, I signed up for one of those "word of the day" e-mails in hopes of expanding my vocabulary. More often than not, these remained unopened in my inbox, but today, out of sheer curiosity, I read the meaning of a new word:

autologous-

MEANING: (adjective) involving a situation in which the donor and the recipient (of blood, skin, bone, etc.) are the same person.

ETYMOLOGY: from Greek auto- (self) + -logous (proportion, ratio, word)

Although this word is in reference to a medical phenomenon, I believe there is a level of meaning that can be applied to marriage. Consider the Bible verse Mark 10:8, "'and the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh." (NKJV) Genesis 2:23 reads, "And Adam said: 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."

When we enter into marriage we become one. There is no separation. Each spouse is essentially both the donor and recipient. This is not only true physically, but also emotionally and spiritually.

Too often--whether consciously or subconsciously--one spouse will withhold love when he/she is feeling hurt or neglected. We give "love" to our spouse in direct proportion to which we receive love. However, without fail, when you disperse love conditionally, you as well as your spouse will feel hurt.

Forgiveness is autologous in nature. Matthew 6:14 says, "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." As you give forgiveness, your spouse may not respond instantaneously, but you immediately receive the spiritual blessing of forgiveness from your heavenly Father. God's cleansing healing will wash over your wounds and pluck out the root of bitterness.

An autologous skin graft works by peeling a thin layer of skin from the healthy part of the body and transferring it to the injured portion to improve the overall function of the body. As God continues to heal you in your walk with Him, He will use the parts you give to Him to heal not only your spouse, but also your marriage.

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Sharing Your Dreams

God desires to know us and communicate with us so deeply; He will even speak to us in our sleep. There are many types of dreams. Some dreams spark creativity, others may be prophetic, or used to guide your destiny. And then there are those dreams that may mean you had one slice of pizza too many. Be careful to remember that dreams must be interpreted in light of Scripture, and even then, our understanding may only be in part. Write down your dreams and share them with your spouse. You will be amazed how God will use them to not only grow you closer to Him, but also to each other.

About a year or so ago, Adam emailed me from work that he dreamed about a roach-like creature that looked more like a lobster that was swimming in a pool I was about to jump in. In his dream, he used some tongs to remove the offending creature before I jumped in. If that is not strange enough, I also dreamed about a roach-like creature that looked more like a lobster the
very same night. In my dream, I asked Adam to get rid of it.

Needless to say, that got our attention.

We sought God and felt led to pray against spiritual attacks. God used that dream to have us exercise our spiritual authority in the powerful name of Jesus. He also reminded us of the spiritual blessings that flow from marital unity.

Sometimes, God will use dreams to give us a new spiritual revelation or insight. Just last night, I dreamed that I clicked on a link and a computer virus popped up. This morning, I woke up and checked my email. An email that appeared to be sent from a friend contained only a link. Amazingly, I remembered my dream and questioned the link for a moment. Perhaps even more amazingly, I clicked on it anyway…because I reasoned…it was sent from a friend, after all. My computer protection software warned me that it appeared to contain “malicious system software” and offered me the option to go to my home page instead. I quickly chose the home page. Interestingly, I started to feel very silly, and even a bit condemned for a brief moment. I had a dream that really stuck out to me about a computer virus, and yet I clicked on a questionable email anyway.

Then, God showed me what He wanted me to see. I felt the entire interpretation download almost instantly in my spirit. The dream represented God’s direction that He freely gives us in His Word. His revelation comes with the choice of obedience. However, it appeared that the natural did not align with the supernatural. I logically thought, I can open the link because I trust the source. Is this not how the enemy operates...a wolf in sheep's clothing? Satan will tempt you by causing you to doubt what God has told you. He may even get you to disobey! However, the protective software that was installed gave me the choice to navigate back to the home page. This represents God’s unceasing grace! Thank God that even when we have made the wrong choice, we can quickly choose to go back to His protective grace and covering where He can keep us safe from the attacks of the enemy. Since we are Christians, the Holy Spirit is "installed" in us to guide us.

Here are the verses that correspond with this dream:

Ephesians 6:11: “Put on the whole armor of God, that you may
be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.”

John 10:10 “The thief does not come except to steal, and to
kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may
have it more abundantly.”

Psalm 118:8 “It is better to trust in the LORD than to put
confidence in man.”

Romans 11:6 “And if by grace, then no longer of works;
otherwise grace is no longer grace; otherwise work is no longer work.”

May God use your dreams to grow you and your marriage in Spirit and Truth!

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Happy Anniversary, Adam!

Three years ago, God blessed me with the most wonderful husband, Adam Donald Galey. I remember the morning of our wedding, flittering around, attending to all the seemingly important details of the day. I earnestly requested for everyone to pray that God would hold off the rain...even though it was an indoor wedding...us southern girls must have the "big hair" for the photos. My mental checklist revolved in my mind--flowers, catering, cake, dress, decor, makeup, pictures...almost a year's worth of planning in anticipation of the "perfect" wedding day.

I hear a lot of brides say they did not feel nervous until they started walking down the aisle. For me, it was just the opposite. Every perceived concern melted away as the double doors opened for the bridal procession, a rush of supernatural peace overwhelmed my heart. I even remember specific smiling faces as I was walking down the aisle, but each of those quickly faded once I saw my groom's face. He had tears streaming down his face as I took steps torward him. That was the most vivid memory of the day. In total awe I thought, Adam never cries! Those tears are from his love for me. Wow! It was most definitely the perfect day, but not for the reasons I imagined it to be. And by the way, it did rain a little that day, but I wouldn't even have changed that looking back.

We have shared so much together these past three years. I traveled to another country for the first time in my life on our honeymoon. Adam wanted to surprise me, and would not tell me where we were going until I was on the plane (thankfully, he did let me know it was tropical for packing purposes...sigh of relief...). Even when the pilot announced our destination, I still did not know where we were going. Punta Cana? Where in the world is that? Turns out it is in the Dominican Republic...I still need to brush up on my repertoire of geographical knowledge :P. It was the most beautiful place I have ever seen on earth. I breathed in the warm fragrance of vanilla that permeated the atmosphere. I blissfully ruined months of dieting by digging into culture-rich foods I have never tasted, and tilted my ear to enjoy the linguistic symphony of fellow tourists as they crossed our path--Russian, French, Spanish and countless other cultures that traveled such a distance to enjoy this breathtaking resort. The honeymoon definitely is filed under "the better" label--along with many other memories--of "the better" part of "for better or worse."

A couple of years into our marriage, I was introduced to the meaning of "the worse" part of this sacred vow. In less than a month's time span, we were hit by a whole gamut of trials. We endured the passing of my father, job loss, and even flood waters that attempted to invade our kitchen. Adam held me through all of this, and even praised God in the midst of these storms. We saw many miracles during this time. We learned that God really is the source of our financial provision, not man. He supplied us with the exact income we had before--almost to the penny--during the months that Adam was looking for a new job. My father's death pointed me back to the cross, and reminded me of my purpose on earth. The day of my dad's funeral we gathered all the beautiful flower arrangements and headed to the Alabaster nursing home. Adam, conscious of his role as protector, asked if really felt up for this, but amazingly I did. We just went from room to room and gave these precious elderly ladies flowers and told them, "Jesus loves you." I will never forget the last woman I gave flowers to. She had red hair, probably weighed less than 90 pounds, and one of her eyes was closed shut. I held her hand and said, "Jesus wants you to have these flowers. He loves you." She squeezed my hand and began to weep. I felt so much love and healing, and will never forget that moment. God shaped us during these trials to bring us to a whole new level of faith marked by unshakeable peace.

I have learned so far in marriage, that like my surprise honeymoon, you may not be familiar with where you are headed...perhaps you even communicate in different languages. However, you will smell and taste new experiences together...and the journey will always be worth the distance you travelled to get there, if you allow Jesus to be your pilot. ♥ I am so thankful for you, Adam! I love you with all of my heart...Happy 3rd anniversary! Here's to many more!! ♥

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Love is the Catalyst to Change

As I was browsing through the newsfeed on facebook, a post from an old high school friend caught my attention and my heart. It is from Tim Keller's recently released book, Meaning of Marriage:

"Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it. God's saving love in Christ, however, is marked by both radical truthfulness about who we are and yet also radical, unconditional commitment to us. The merciful commitment strengthens us to see the truth about ourselves and repent. The conviction and repentance moves us to cling to and rest in God's mercy and grace."

Sometimes God will show you truth about a struggle your spouse is experiencing through revelation. However, it is extremely important how you handle divine revelation. If it is not applied through God's love and timing, then it will start and end with the flesh. If you have a spirit of frustration in your marriage, it is because you have stepped out of bounds. One of my favorite quotes is by Billy Graham, "It is the Holy Spirit's job to convict, God's job to judge, and my job to love."

Remember, you cannot change your spouse simply because you did not create your spouse. However, God can use you as a catalyst to change only to the degree that you love. This is because God, our Creator IS love. Love has the capacity to tear down walls that the enemy has erected, and shine light into the darkest places in our hearts. What is so amazing about love is that it has a multiplicative effect. As you love your spouse through his/her weaknesses, God will strengthen your own weaknesses through His love for you. The result is a beautiful picture of unity--two broken hearts welded and molded into our Heavenly Father's heart. As God heals and seals the brokenness, your marriage will become a new vessel that God can fill with His manifest promises.

~Isaiah 64:8 (NKJV) "But now, O LORD, You are our Father; We are the clay, and You our potter; And all we are the work of Your hand."

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Don't be Surprised

My husband is so full of wisdom. I am so thankful that he is my leader. Yesterday he said, "So many times we pray for change, but then we are surprised when things begin to change. God always answers our prayers, but we just don't always recognize the answer."

His words really stuck in my spirit. I pondered about the inherent infiniteness of God in contrast to the finite nature of humans. If we truly believe that God is Who He says He is, then we must trust Him. He is Creator. Although we may only see darkness, we have faith that it is just a black stroke on a canvas. Black strokes must exist to give overall contrast and meaning. If they were not there, the overall picture would not have depth or beauty. Take for instance Van Gogh's masterpiece, Starry Night. Imagine the painting with only cheery shades of yellow and calming tints of blue. Erase with your mind all the black etchings and strokes. This work of art would be nothing more than an incoherent piece with superficial meaning. It would have no lasting or historical value.

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is 2 Peter 3:8, "But, beloved, do not forget this one thing, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day." Our concept of time is sharply contrasted to the One who is not bound by time. Many of our struggles and disappointments originate from unfulfilled expectations based on a time table that our psyches have constructed. One definition the dictionary assigns to the word "disappoint" is "to fail to meet the expectations, hopes, desires, or standards of, let down." Our fleshly desire of "needing to know" will lead us to subconsciously superimpose our plan over God's plan.

Yes, God gives us dreams and visions, but we must allow the eternal Spirit to subdue our fleeting emotions through the revelation in Habakkuk 2:3, "For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry." I have always found this verse to be interesting. At first glance, there seems to be so many paradoxes in the Bible, but the truth is that they are only paradoxical from the paradigm of our finite nature. For example, this verse in Habakkuk says "...though it tarries....it will not tarry." I can only have complete understanding of this Scripture if I pair it in light with 2 Peter 3:8, "But, beloved, do not forget this one thing, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day."

God will oftentimes resurrect a promise or a dream, but our spiritual eyes are so clouded by the disappointments of yesterday, that we do not perceive the grace of today. I believe there were many that walked right past Jesus on the day of his resurrection because they could not see Him past their tears. If you have experienced sufferings and disappointments together with your spouse, take heart. You will one day look back and see how God artistically used them to strengthen your commitment and intensify your love for each other.

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Learning from Ants

As I was jogging around our nature trail this morning, an ant bed caught my eye. It was carefully constructed over a wooden log. I thought how enormous this log must appear to such a minuscule creature. The Holy Spirit reminded me of two Bible verses to look up:

• Proverbs 6:6-8 "6 Go to the ant, you sluggard! Consider her ways and be wise, 7 Which having no captain, overseer or ruler, 8 Provides her supplies in the summer, and gathers her food in the harvest."
• Mark 11:23 "For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be removed and be cast into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says."

When faced with an obstacle, the natural tendency of the human mind is to focus on the problem rather than the solution. What fascinated me about this particular anthill was that it was constructed right on top of the log. The ants never stopped, but rather continued right along their industrious path.

During life's journey with your spouse, you will inevitably be confronted with various mountains between you and your destiny. Consider the ant and his "log home:"

1. Ants do not worry- When faced with an unexpected log, ants do not pace around in circles, biting their nails (or more correctly, claws), and wait for the log to move. They do not analyze or philosophise, but simply keep moving.
   
   
2. Ants walk straight- Ants follow other ants, but if they do not see another ant to follow, they follow a fresh trail. Over time, ants bump into each other and form tiny "straightenings" to help contribute to the eventual straight line. Think about divine appointments that God has placed in your path to help you get back on track.
   
   
3. Ants achieve the impossible- Although the path of the ant continues to change, they still walk in a maze of straight lines. Ironically, by walking these straight lines, the miraculous arched construction of their home is formed. The arched shape of the ant mound reminds me of the curvature of a rainbow, the symbol for God's promises. Oftentimes, God's promises are hidden just above our mountain. He will lead us into the impossible in order to show us the miraculous.
   
   
4. Ants work as a team- Ants work amazingly well together because where one is weak, the other is strong. Each ant is equipped with a different purpose. Some ants are better at scouting for food, whereas others are stationed to defend the colony and protect what was brought in. Unity is often achieved through diversity.
   
   
5. Ants quickly adapt to change by course correction- Ants deposit a certain amount of pheromone while walking, and each ant prefers to follow a direction rich in pheromone, rather than a poorer one. When ants are faced with an unexpected obstacle, the ants cannot continue to follow the original pheromone trail, and are faced with the choice to either turn right or left. Initially, about half the ants will choose the right path, and the other half will choose the left path. It is interesting that the ants that happen to follow the shortest path around the obstacle will more rapidly reconstitute the interrupted pheromone trail compared to those that choose the longer path. Thus, the shorter path will collect a higher amount of pheromone in the time unit and will consequently cause a higher number of ants to choose the shorter path. Due to this high positive feedback process, soon all the ants will choose the shorter path. A long story made short, (too late, you say??) ants are not stubborn once shown a better way.

So instead of making a mountain out of a molehill, make an anthill over a mountain. :)

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New Year, New Heights!

With the new year, couples will dream up their new year's resolutions. Like years in the past, resolutions always start with the best of intentions. Unfortunately, if they are not grounded in strategy and fueled by passion, they will eventually deflate or disappear in midair. Think of a helium balloon that slips out from between your fingers. You can only see it for so long before it snags on a tree limb or pops from the high altitude.

On the other hand, in a hot air balloon, you are literally travelling with the dream. It is fueled by fire and guided by the wind. With unbridled passion and the direction of the Holy Spirit all things are possible. However, sticking with the dream requires you to be grounded and to be still in the "basket." Remember that God has many promises He wants to give you, but you must be anchored by the Word of God and the fruit of the Spirit. Self-control and patience will keep you grounded in order to achieve new heights.

I pray that in the coming year, your marriage, ministry, goals, and desires will be rooted in Isaiah 40:31: "But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up their wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."

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The Power of a Picture

With our anniversary sneaking up in January, I was thinking about the many pictures from our wedding that we still have not developed. Although the images from our wedding are stored on the computer to view anytime, I really want them neatly assembled into a traditional album. I told my husband yesterday that for my anniversary present this year I want ALL of our wedding pictures processed.

Later on that day, we were running an errand at CVS. Adam scanned his CVS card at the front, and a coupon printed out. He laughed out loud and said, "Look, Sweetheart!" It was a $2 off photo processing coupon. I glimpsed at it and was like, "Oh neat!" Realizing I had not fully absorbed what he was saying, he continued, "look at the date." The coupon's expiration date was January 10...our anniversary. I was so touched by how God speaks to us in even the smallest details to answer the desire of our hearts.

I began to reflect on the emotional response that is triggered in a human when viewing a picture. I love this quote by Aaron Siskind, "Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. What you have caught on film is captured forever...it remembers little things long after you have forgotten everything." A picture is not just interpreted with the eyes, but also the mind and the heart. I remember when my dad passed away last year, his pictures were displayed at his funeral. I did not want to look at them because I was not ready for the emotions that would inevitably be induced. It was just too painful in that moment.

Today I felt God show me that He wanted to use wedding pictures for healing and restoration in marriages. My spirit remembered the verse, Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things." Most weddings have close to a thousand pictures taken during just a few short hours. The pictures are not meaningful because of the ephemerality of the moment, but because of the eternal value that is folded into that moment.

The enemy has used pornography for years as a trap too divide marriages. Satan knows that a picture can be a portal into thoughts and emotions. I thought about how powerful pictures are used to attack commitment. Then, I was reminded of the flip side, how God wants to use pictures as an instrument in which His regenerative power could flow without restraint. He will use it as a gateway to the heart to rekindle love and joy and to strengthen the cord of your commitment. If you do not feel the sweet fountain of feelings that spring from first love, ask God to open your heart as you open your photo album. Even if you feel nothing, have faith that the God of the universe, Who has the power to create all things can create a new beginning for you and your spouse. How incredible is it that God can use the stillness of a photograph to stir love back to life? I guess a photo's light never really stops reflecting.

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What Lies Beneath

The New York Times reported that there is a direct correlation between the frequency of disputes over money and divorce rate. A study conducted by Jeffrey Dew at Utah State University found that "couples who reported disagreeing about finance once a week were 30 percent more likely to get divorced than couples who reported disagreeing about finances a few times a month."

Fights over the same issue will continue to resurface until the missing clue is discovered. Picture a murder scene enclosed with a hem of yellow crime tape. A husband and wife will continue to chase each other around the perimeter of what they have defined as "safe territory." Crossing the crime scene tape means facing the gory bloodstains of offense and boundaries closely guarded by fears. However, it is necessary to scrutinize the outline of our deadened hearts in order to solve the mystery. Divorce statistics show that about 80 percent of all marriages end because of "irreconcilable differences." In other words, 80 percent of marriages end as an "unsolved mystery." Mark 10:8 says,"'and the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh." Has our society grown so desensitized that we no longer feel nauseous at the sight of a dead body? A marriage that ends in divorce is nothing short of a tragedy.

One of my favorite quotes is by Aristotle, "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts." Arguments over dollar signs and decimal points are only isolated pixels of a photograph. The photograph will give us clear picture of what we do not want to face. Care to cross the crime tape?

Almost every fight can be traced back to an unmet need, especially reoccurring ones. A woman's number one need is security. A man's number one need is respect. Although a wide variety of fights can stem from the money topic, the needs can almost always be traced back to these basic gender needs. Another variable to look at is what money represents to each spouse. Let's look at a few cases.

Case #1- Rachel goes on secret shopping trips. She hides receipts from her husband, and has been taking out new credit cards to transfer balances of the old ones. Her husband, Tim, ran a credit report and discovered her secret. He screamed at her and said many things he now regrets. They apologized and made promises, but the same thing happened six months down the road. Tim has filed for divorce.

Behind the crime tape of case #1- Rachel equates material possessions with security. She is feeling neglected and struggles with feelings of insecurity. Too afraid and ashamed to approach her husband, she rides the emotional waves of retail therapy until the euphoric high dies down and the bills pile up. She feels guilty about the bills, but is too afraid to be honest because of Tim's reaction, so shops even more to numb the pain. Tim feels that he can't trust his wife, and feels disrespected. He masks these feelings with anger and verbal abuse.

Case #2 Jeff has lost his job due to a recent downsizing at his construction company. He has put in his application at several companies, but after no response, has began to lose hope. Andrea is a successful dentist and is supporting both of them. She asks Jeff every day if he has found a job yet. When she sees him on the couch at home when she gets off work, she rolls her eyes. Jeff starts drinking more heavily and feels like a failure. After five years of marriage, and countless arguments about finances, Andrea files for divorce.

Behind the crime tape of case #2- Andrea is the daughter of a single mother who taught her to be fiercely independent. She will not return any of her biological father's phone calls. After all, he was an alcholic who abandoned her mother and her. Jeff, who had unresolved wounds from a father who never accepted him, was attracted like a magnet to Andrea, who had it all together. Andrea found her security through her financial success, and looked down at Jeff, who always seemed to be in between jobs. Behind the walls of Andrea's success was a mush of vulnerability. She longed for Jeff to be the leader, and to reassure her that love was all they needed. Jeff could not seem to find the right fit for his talents and abilities, and felt like he never would every time Andrea belittled him. Jeff saw himself as nothing because he made less money than Andrea, and even if he one day did, he would never have her respect. The judgment that Andrea sowed by never forgiving her father is now being "reaped" by the creation of a similar situation.

Case #3 Doug's parents are multi-millionaires. Doug has inherited the family business when he was twenty-five. He has successfully grown the business, and has bought a large house and drives a luxury car. At thirty-five, He marries Olivia, a gorgeous twenty-two year old. Doug wined and dined Olivia when they dated, but now that they are married, he gives Olivia small allowances each week. He has numerous secret investments and bank accounts. Olivia feels frustrated by the control and has regular emotional outbursts. After two years of marriage, they call it quits.

Behind the crime tape of case #3 Doug equates his identity with the number in his bank account. He does not view marriage as a covenant, but a contract in which the other party cannot be trusted. Olivia has emotional outburst because she does not feel secure enough to confront Doug or to get help. Her sugar-coated expectations of a fairy-tale marriage melted.

Money can take the form of a magnifying glass of what is already in a person's heart. Financial unity is important in a marriage, but oftentimes the prerequisite to dealing with the financial problems is tapping into the basic gender needs. As a husband feels the respect of his wife, he will snip the crime tape and let his wife into the more vulnerable parts of his heart. Likewise, as the husband builds security in his wife through openness and reassurance, the chronic nagging that often sparks arguments will dissipate. Invite the Holy Spirit to search the areas of your heart that are closed off so that your marriage does not become an unsolved mystery.

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Seven Blessings from Couple Prayer

I am sure you are familiar with the old adage, "couples who pray together stay together." An array of supporting statistics have underscored the truth of this invaluable nugget of wisdom. Although the 2004 Barna study found no difference in the divorce rate among those that classified themselves as "christian" versus "non-christian," this statistic proves to be glaringly inaccurate once you scratch the surface. The litmus test is passed when Biblical promises are activated by commitment and practice. A recent study showed that when couples attend church regularly together, the likelihood of divorce drops by 35 percent. A nationwide study conducted in 1980 revealed that when couples attend church together AND read the bible or pray together on a daily basis, the divorce rate drops to a remarkable rate of only 1 in 1,105 marriages. Wow!!

Despite this amazing hope, only a reported 4 percent of Christian couples pray together on a daily basis. I am reminded of bible verse John 10:29, "Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." Many couples do not pray together because they do not truly believe that it is important. If you sincerely believe in the importance of something, you do it! Consider this natural example. We brush our teeth each day because we know there is a real-time cause and effect. If we brush our teeth faithfully, we will have fewer cavities and fresh breath. We will not be afraid to smile and show our teeth. However, on the flip side, if we do not brush our teeth each day, this will lead to teeth decay and offensive breath. You might even try to hide your stained teeth by not smiling. Eventually you could even lose your teeth!

Perhaps the reason why so many couples do not pray together is because they do not truly believe it will make a difference. Spiritual treasures are seen as somewhat nebulous, and that is why more emphasis is placed on the natural. Just as we must brush our teeth every day to enjoy healthy teeth, we must invite Christ into our marriage to cleanse us and strengthen us. If we leave him out we will develop tiny holes beneath the surface of our intimacy which will lead to "cavities" or portals of entry that the enemy can walk through. If we leave Him out completely, marriage will decay and eventually wiggle its way loose from the roots of commitment.

Making a shared commitment to pray with each other and for each other on a daily basis will not only bring you closer to God, but also to each other. Let's look at seven blessings that result from couple prayer:

Blessing #1) A reduction in the number and duration of arguments.

Arguments almost always arise from the spirit of confusion or strife. A partner essentially lays down their stubbornness, hurt feelings, and differences the moment he or she says, “Let’s just pray.” When you open your mouth to pray, you close the mouth of the enemy. I Corinthians 14:33 says, “For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.”Prayer ushers in peace and reduces stress, anxiety, and fear.

Blessing # 2) A deeper level of intimacy.

A person is spirit, soul, and body. To be married is to be one with another’s spirit, soul, and body. We can be one emotionally and be one physically, but to achieve the deepest level of intimacy, we must also be one spiritually. When a couple is united spiritually, the physical and emotional take on greater meaning and fulfillment. I Thessalonians 5:23 reminds us that man is created triune, "Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ."

Blessing #3) Counters the attacks of the enemy

Prayer is a mighty tool that God has so graciously given us. There is power when two pray together as one. Isaiah 30:17 says, "One thousand shall flee at the threat of one, At the threat of five you shall flee, Till you are left as a pole on top of a mountain And as a banner on a hill." Prayer counters the six tactics of the enemy which include:

1) deception- perversion or distortion of the truth
2) doubt- makes you question God's word and His inherent goodness
3) discouragement- makes you focus on your problems instead of God
4) diversion- makes the wrong things seem attractive so you want those things more than the right things
5) defeat- makes you believe you are a failure so you don't even try
6) delay- makes you put off something so it never gets started or completed

Prayer has the power to counter all six of these by the power of the Name of Jesus. If you are struggling with one or more of these, ask your spouse to pray for you against specific areas of struggle. There is power in prayer and unity. Ephesians 6:12-13, “12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

Blessing #4) Builds your faith.

Celebrate answers to prayer by keeping a journal of miracles both big and small. Include answers that God moved in a way that may have not been expected, but drew you both closer to Him. List out God’s Scriptural promises for prayers not yet manifested in the natural.

Blessing #5) Generates the fruit of the Spirit.

Happy, healthy marriages must be full of the fruit of the Spirit. If you are two trees of righteousness planted in Christ, you will harvest a double portion of fruit! Being kind and patient to your partner requires us to turn to HIM in prayer for strength beyond ourselves. Galatians 5:22-23, “22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. 23 Against such there is no law.”

Blessing #6) Fosters a spirit of praise and thankfulness

Prayers of thankfulness will help you and your partner endure trials and tribulations together and develop an overcoming Spirit, which demonstrates the power of the cross within you. Praising God at all times magnifies the LORD rather than your circumstances. I Thessalonians 5:18, “in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (NKJV)
The ESV version says, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (I Thessalonians 5:18)

Blessing #7)Unlocks prophetic promises over you and your spouse, releasing you into your destiny

When you pray words of encouragement and speak prophetic declarations over your spouse, you are blessing him/her. You are calling forth God’s will to be done through edification and truth. Romans 4:17 says, "(as it is written, "I have made you a father of many nations") in the presence of Him whom he believed-God, who gives life to the dead and calls those things which do not exist as though they did;" When you pray blessings of encouragement over your spouse, you see clearly what encouragement is and what it is not. Rooting out harmful criticism is also essential so you are not praying one way and acting another. James 3:10, “Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not be so.”

These seven blessings are just a handful of the multiplicative rewards you will experience when you engage in couple prayer. As you come into alignment with God's order, your marriage will enter into the promise of Isaiah 45:3, "I will give you the treasures of darkness And hidden riches of secret places, That you may know that I, the LORD, Who call you by your name, am the God of Israel."

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I might be allergic to you.

Our immune system has the capacity to operate as an overzealous soldier ready to serve in any battle. The medical dictionary defines an allergy as “an exaggerated immune response to substances that are generally not harmful.” A healthy immune system protects the body from harmful substances such as viruses and bacteria. However, it also reacts to foreign substances called allergens. Allergens are harmless unless a person has allergies. A person suffering from allergies has an oversensitive reaction which manifests in an array of unpleasant symptoms. Examples of symptoms include sneezing fits, rashes, and itchy red eyes.

In marriage, a partner can develop an "allergy" or an over-reaction to a topic or event in effort to avoid pain. Due to past hurts, our psyche will shift into overdrive when recognizing familiar "allergens" that have inflicted pain in the past. Like an overly ambitious immune system, we erect our walls of defense, preemptively hurling aggressions before our partner can do the same.

It is important to reveal these seemingly elusive triggers that can quickly erupt into an ugly rash of arguments. Consider this scenario. A wife becomes inordinately upset when her husband does not promptly return her call. She leaves several messages, each one more intense than the one before. The husband has left his phone in the car, and by the time he calls her back, she is a fountain of tears. However, all the bewildered husband hears is an endless stream of irrational questions. What he doesn't realize is the she has a "trust allergy." Her past boyfriend cheated repeatedly, and she is on guard at the slightest sign that could point to infidelity.Without prior knowledge of this trust allergy, the husband feels that he is being wrongfully attacked, and subconsciously starts to act distant towards his wife. The overly alert wife starts to sense withdrawal from her husband, which in her mind confirms her suspicions of unfaithfulness.

What is very interesting is a physical allergy is something that is perceived as concrete, and therefore the treatment is clear-cut. An individual who suffers from a peanut allergy must be administered a shot of epinephrine in order for the symptoms to start reversing. However, emotional allergies are often viewed as somewhat nebulous. If not recognized early on, confusion will settle it on both sides. Of course the "shot of epinephrine" is to quickly inject an ample dose of unconditional love and grace. This treatment will almost always ease the severity of the symptoms.

In the example about the wife with the trust allergy, the husband is confused because he has not factored in the existence of this allergy. He is looking merely at the false accusations or symptoms that have manifested. This would be as irrational as staring at someone with a peanut allergy whose lips have swollen up to twice the size, and saying, "Your lips should not be that large. Look in the mirror. They look hideous. Make them shrink now."

The enemy will try to hinder unity and healing by confusion. The moment you realize that your words have the power to inject a life-giving substance in your spouse is when you will see a turning point. It may not be a natural reaction, but it is sure to have supernatural results.

It is amazing that certain physical allergies will develop spontaneously and then clear up over time. If your husband or wife suffers from emotional allergies, remember that it is the Holy Spirit's role to heal, your job is to love.

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In Sickness and In Health

After reading an article enumerating Pat Robertson's emotive justifications for divorcing a spouse with Alzheimer's, I feel compelled to measure his dangerous admonitions by the Light of Scripture.

During the call-in segment of the show, Pat Robertson addresses whether or not a husband should remain faithful to his Alzheimer's-stricken wife. "But I know it sounds cruel, but if he's going to do something he should divorce her and start all over again. But to make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her."

Wow. This is chilling for so many reasons. Thankfully, his co-host Terry Meeuwsen points out, "But isn't that the vow we take when we marry someone? That it's for better or for worse? For richer or poorer?" (Christianity Today).

Marriage is inherently sacred and binding. Marriage was fashioned by the Designer as a type and shadow of our personal relationship with Jesus Christ--the body of Christ as the glorious bride, our LORD and Savior, the Bridegroom. This is why marriage exists. Thank the Lord he does not desert us in our weakness. He does not forsake us when we forget His promises. His love for us is unconditional and everlasting.

Mr. Robertson has unknowingly stepped into the enemy's camp of relative ethics. To abandon a commitment in the face of hardship does not line up with the powerful prophetic Word, "And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life even when faced with death." (Revelation 12:11, NAS) Marriage is a beautiful testimony of laying down your life for the sake of your spouse daily. As Christ gave us the Ultimate Sacrifice willingly, our Christian walk is voluntarily making decisions for Him because of His love through us. Christians have eternal life in Christ and once that decision of surrender is truly made, John 10:28 (NAS) says, "and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand." Doesn't it make since then, that the enemy will seek to "snatch" a Christian's testimony?

To make decisions regarding marriage on the basis of feelings is not only a slippery slope, it is ethically toxic. Robertson continues, "...I can't fault him for wanting some kind of companionship. And if he says in a sense she is gone, he's right. It's like a walking death." There are so many times that Mr. Robertson has prayed in faith for people's healing on the show. By denoting Alzheimer's as "a walking death" he magnifies the power of disease over the power of Christ. Just because he has not witnessed the miraculous healing of Alzheimer's, does not mean that it will not happen in the future. We serve a living God with no limitations. Let us always walk by faith and not by sight. Isaiah 43:18-19 (NAS) says, "Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.

I cannot help but recall a great man of honor, the late President Ronald Reagan. He is one of the most beloved presidents of all time. In November of 1994, Reagan formally informed the nation of his fight with Alzheimer's. "I now begin the journey that will lead me into the summit--sunset of my life." In Dutch: A Memoir of Ronald Reagan, Morris gives us an inside look into this illness. "I think the single most shattering story I heard about him was the fact that a friend put a white ceramic model of the White House into this fish tank that he had in his office. And he took it home in his fist," Morris continues, "And when Nancy pried his fingers open and said, 'What's that, Ronnie?' And there's this this little wet White House in his hand. He said, 'I don't know, but I think it's something to do with me." Staying by your spouse's side during his/her darkest hour is an opportunity to bestow honor on earth as it is in heaven.

Could we also remind Mr. Robertson of the power of love? Perhaps the mind has decayed, but the heart has not. Christ can fill every empty space. May we have courage to love our spouse just as much in the sunset as the sunrise.

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Anoint Your Home

"You shall make of these a sacred anointing oil blended as by the perfumer; it shall be a holy anointing oil." ~Exodus 30:25 (ESV)

Recently God pressed it upon my heart that we should anoint our home with oil. I felt a strong desire or unction in the Spirit to do this. In fact, it seemed that almost every Christian article I read throughout the week spoke on this topic. I shared this with my husband, who agreed that this is something we needed to do.

We purchased some oil at the store. Adam prayed over it and consecrated it to fulfill God's purpose in our home. It was the most simple and yet beautiful ceremony, and I could tangibly feel the glory of God and His presence as we walked together along the internal perimeter of our home. Adam smeared the oil along each portal of entry including windows and doorways. When we paused at the front and back doors, Adam commanded in the name of Jesus that two guardian angels always be posted at each of the doors. I asked Adam if we could anoint each room, too. We even anointed the bathroom! After all, it is a place designated for individuals to rest and relieve themselves. Why not let go of spiritual junk, too, while you are in there?

Since we do marriage counseling, Adam anointed the love seat in which our honored guests sit. He prayed that the healing presence of God would invade every marriage that we encountered. He also anointed our own marriage. With an oil-dipped finger, he drew the figure of the cross in his palm and mine and held our hands together as he consecrated our marriage to the Lord.

This ceremonial blessing touched my heart so deeply. There was nothing special about the oil itself. In fact, it was purchased at Walmart. God can use anything you give Him. To us, it was an external symbol or manifestation of our faith in Jesus Christ. However, God can specifically lead and instruct you to buy specific fragrances and ingredients if you ask Him. Be sensitive to His leading. Anointing our home demonstrates the following connotations:

1)It is a divine anouncement that any spirit other than the Spirit of God is not welcome and must go in the name of Jesus. (II Corinthians 10:4)

2)It is professing that Jesus lives in us and through us. Jesus Christ means "Jesus The Anointed One." Our bodies are a temple of Christ (I Corinthians 6:19-20)

3)It represents God's protective covering that rests over us (Deuteronomy 33:12)

4)Just as Exodus 30:25 says that the anointing oil is to be "blended as by the perfumer," it is a recognition that any good thing rising from us is from God alone, our Perfumer, who was broken and bruised for our transgressions.

5)It is a line of demarcation in the Spirit delineating that our home is under His rule and Kingship. We are His humble servants (Joshus 24:15)

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Seek Your Spouse's Needs First

...and yours will be added unto you!

So many things in God’s kingdom are upside down and opposite from the world’s kingdom. Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” In marriage, it is almost automatic or instinctual to identify needs that we have individually, especially the ones that remain unfulfilled. However, this is a trap from the enemy that ultimately leads to BOTH partners having unmet needs.

When we intentionally focus on our spouse’s needs rather than our own, we have activated the kingdom of God and its multiplicative power. This is because:

1)We have chosen sacrifice above self-interest (John 12:25, I Peter 4:8-9, Philippians 2:4)
2)We have chosen the spirit of unity over the spirit of division (Eph. 4:2-3)
3)We are rooted in our purpose and position (Romans 8:28)
4)When you surrender your own needs, you have given them to God and whatever you give to Him, He multiplies (Mark 6:42-44)

Conversely, whenever we make decisions motivated from self interest rather than the interest of our marriage, the opposite will occur. Instead of “multiplying” the territory of our marriage, it “shrinks.” If we withhold love or grace from our spouse, we actually expand the enemy’s kingdom and unwittingly give satan an access of entry into our marriage. The enemy’s tactics are subtle and cunningly built around our weaknesses.

Marriage has spiritual, emotional, and physical components. We are going to focus specifically on emotional needs of both husband and wife. Since marriage is a part of God’s design, the kingdom principle of multiplication is applicable in emotions flowing between spouses in marriage. Whatever emotion that originates in one spouse has the power to duplicate and multiply in the other. Let’s look at an example.

When we are frustrated and angry, it is because an emotional need that we have is unmet. We can choose in that moment to love and impart grace or we can choose to criticize and retaliate. If we choose to love, that is multiplied in your spouse because love begets love. However if we act in anger, the emotion of anger will be echoed and multiplied in your spouse.

Can you identify some “situation setups” by the enemy that ultimately ends up shrinking the territory of intimacy in marriage?

Sometimes confusion can seep into a marriage simply because a spouse is unaware of what exactly his/her spouse’s needs are. Or maybe, each spouse has a general knowledge, but not to the degree in which the marriage can operate at its optimal level. It is important to identify and differentiate the emotional needs of husband and wife. In most cases, the male’s needs and female’s needs differ both qualitatively and quantitatively.

Dr. Willard Harley, author of His Needs, Her Needs, categorizes five unique emotional needs of wives and five unique emotional needs of husbands. They are as follows:

HER NEEDS

1) Affection
2) Conversation
3) Honesty and Openness
4) Financial Commitment
5) Family Commitment

HIS NEEDS

1) Sexual fulfillment
2) Recreational Companionship
3) Physical Attraction
4) Domestic Support
5) Admiration

When we give liberally and without restraint to meet the unique emotional needs of our spouse, ours will be met in return. It is important to remember to love and give in these areas not based on what he or she might "deserve," which is limiting and isolating. Instead, we must give and love unconditionally and thus fulfill God's original intent for marriage.

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