Marriage is wonderfully complex, just like the human body. Although it has the capacity to function at the cellular level of God's design, it must contend with daily threats of the outside world. I found it interesting that the human body must feel "safe" in order to function optimally.
It has been cited that the number one need in females is security. What makes one woman feel secure may differ from another. Personality, levels of sensitivity, past wounds, upbringing, environment, and spiritual location all impact the delicate balance of marital security.
However, a man must feel safe too, just in a different way. The number one need in a man is respect. Oftentimes, a husband deals with frustration when he feels his wife resisting his leadership.
Arguments tend to originate when we are operating from a micro-level with a truncated perspective. We must view marriage from the macro-level, and grow in our understanding of its inherent interdependence.
How do you get back to "safe?"
When the nervous system of your marriage is in overdrive, you must ask the Holy Spirit to do what you cannot do on your own. When a wife feels insecure, her fleshly reaction is to withdraw and withhold trust. Power is released when you do just the opposite--trusting when it is not natural to do so. When a wife trusts her husband, he feels "safe" in being a leader. And remember, trust begets trust. Proverbs 31:11 says, "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil." (KJV)
Likewise, when a husband is frustrated because his wife is feeling threatened or insecure, his fleshly tendency is to be angry or withdraw. However, when he responds with love and reassurance, the need of his wife will be met because he is being led by the Spirit. Once a husband is led by the Spirit, he can become the leader that his wife desires him to be. I Peter 3:7 says, "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." (KJV)
How does the immune system work?
Simply put, the immune system works by "keeping the good stuff in and the bad stuff out." Whether we realize it or not, marriage is always at war. Satan hates marriage. His tactics are often subtle, but always lead to damage and destruction. Just like the body, marriages have an innate immune system and an acquired immune system. Couples innately know obvious attacks on marriage such as physical abuse or adultery. However, the acquired immune system is strengthened by spiritual sensitivity and experience. Without putting on our spiritual armor, subtle toxins seep into the mind, poisoning marriage in minute doses that gradually add up over time.
What are subtle toxins to marriage?
- small compromises- Just like satan tricked Eve by tempting her to doubt what God had commanded, satan will attempt to construct a "grey area" in our minds. He will lead us astray not by miles, but by millimeters when he injects lies into our thoughts. Consider the following:
"He is just a friend I can share my problems with."
"It hasn't crossed the physical line, so technically it is not cheating."
- shifting priorities- No matter how good our intentions are after saying "I do," the daily demands of life will often jockey for our time. Work, social obligations, hobbies, and even ministries can create an unseen wedge in marriage. Just like those nights you "forgot to pray" because you were just too tired, we can accidentally neglect our spouse. Spending a disproportionate amount of time in other areas can create a "disparate impact" and your marriage will suffer. It may not be intentional, but will still adversely impact your marriage.
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